


Hand of Doom

by AliNovak



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Heroin, Human Castiel, M/M, Marijuana, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 04:14:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12313563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliNovak/pseuds/AliNovak
Summary: He closed his eyes as he abandoned himself letting the sensation took all over him, he imagined himself somewhere else, nor heaven nor Earth, he felt like he was entering into some unphysical place where he had never been before, he was entering into the void.





	Hand of Doom

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Black Sabbath song

“Come on, man! Try it. It’ll keep the pain away.” Darry said, handing the joint to Cas who was having terrible migraines lately. His grace was almost inexistent at the time and he was having a rough time trying to adjust to humanity. Cas lifted his head opening his eyes painfully, even the soft light of the candle hurt his head. He turned to look at Dean who was cleaning his guns and knives. They had spent the entire day fighting, torturing and killing demons, the torture didn’t work tho, they never said a word about the location of Lucifer. Dean looked at Cas, they didn’t say anything but they didn’t need to. Cas was staring at him like asking for permission and Dean just ignored him. Cas sighed and put a hand on his forehead, rubbing his temples trying to relieve the pain. He then took the joint from Darry’s fingers. He examined it carefully before taking a smoke, he handed it back but Darry shook his hand. “Nah, man. You can have the rest.” He said and put his feet on the table leaning back on his chair. Cas didn’t exactly feel anything for the first few smokes but when the weed started to make its effect his migraine begun to fade away and leave space to a dazed state of pure relaxation. He closed his eyes as he abandoned himself letting the sensation took all over him, he didn’t feel like he was in that creepy abandoned house that worked as their camp then, he imagined himself somewhere else, nor heaven nor Earth, he felt like he was entering into some unphysical place where he had never been before, he was entering into the void.

_What you gonna do?_

_Time’s caught up with you_

_Now you wait your turn_

_You know there’s no return_

Sooner than later he started to make of weed part of his daily routine. At first he just smoked when his migraines were awful, then when he was just having light head aches and then just because he enjoyed the feeling of being high. Darry was the junkie-dealer of the group, that had been stated since the beginning of the apocalypse and no one really cared about it, mostly because he made deals with everyone there. Cigarettes, alcohol and other many drugs. He never told them his secret tho. Dean was the only one getting booze for free just because he was the one in charge and he was letting him do his dirty businesses. When Cas became a frequent client, Dean didn’t do anything about it. Cas was happy with his sweet leaf and he stayed like that for a while until he started to feel curious about other stuff, he needed something new.

_Take your written rules_

_You join the other fools_

_Turn to something new_

_Now it’s killing you_

After weed, the easiest drug to get in the middle of the end of the world was heroin, _pure garbage_ as Dean described it when he heard Cas and Darry talking about new stuff. Dean walked out of the house after watching them close the deal, Darry pulled out a syringe from his jacket and gave it to Cas telling him that heroin’s trip is very different to weed’s in so many levels, Cas stuff the syringe on his pocket and excused himself going immediately after Dean.

“You okay?” He asked once he cached up with Dean.

“I don’t know, are you?” Dean said irritated as he kept walking.

“You seem upset.” Cas dared to say.

“No shit.” Dean huffed.

“Does this bother you?” Cas asked him grabbing his shoulder but Dean pulled away.

“I don’t give a fuck! Do whatever you want as long as you can fight when you’re needed.” He said and kept walking but Cas didn’t follow. _Do whatever you want,_ Dean said, so Cas did.

_First it was the bomb_

_Vietnam napalm_

_Disillusioning_

_You push the needle in_

Cas was really scared in his first encounter with heroin but soon he accustomed to the feeling. It was cheap and it kept him number than weed, there were times when he would combine both drugs tho, he was unconscious for more than twenty-four hours one time and it scared the shit out of Darry, not because he cared about him but because Dean would kill him if Cas died from overdose. His relationship with Dean changed dramatically, Dean was already a dead-walking man since he heard that Sam said yes to Lucifer but even after that he would talk to Cas not anymore tho, the only words spoken between them were at the battlefields, instructions and orders from Dean that Cas obeyed like the soldier he once was. After another exhausting session of torturing and killing they would go back to the camp without saying a word. It made Cas’ heart ache, he even considered dropping the drugs forever if that would put their relationship back to normal but the truth was that he wasn’t in control of his body nor his mind anymore and Dean didn’t seem to care about it so Cas gave up once he made his way to his room. He grabbed the long-forgotten blue tie and put it around his arm in order to find a good vein; he bit one end of the tie as he pushed the needle into his skin, groaning in pleasure as the liquid froze his veins.

_From life you escape_

_Reality’s that way_

_Colors in your mind_

_Satisfy your time_

His reputation as the fallen angel slowly changed and then he was the junkie of the group, _drug addict,_ Dean would correct them but Cas didn’t mind. Apparently, chicks liked that and he would get laid every night with a different partner until he had fucked with every woman in the camp. He was living the dream, having sex and getting stoned every day not necessary in that order but it wasn’t enough. He asked Darry for new stuff, something that he hadn’t tried before. Apparently, he looked desperate enough to make Darry raise his brow in amusement chuckling lightly.

“What’s the matter?” Darry pouted sarcastically. “Fucking bitches doesn’t satisfy you anymore?”

Cas rolled his eyes annoyed. “You have something or not?”

Darry laughed as he looked for something in one of his pockets, he pulled out a small transparent bag and handed it to Cas.

“You know, the first sample is free but you have to pay when you want more, and I want you to know that this shit is fucking expensive.” He said as Cas inspected the white stuff.

“Whatever.” He said as he stuffed it on his right back pocket.

“I’m serious. You don’t wanna owe me.”

“I won’t.” Cas said irritated. “Are we done?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Darry started to walk away until something came to his mind. “You know what to do with that, right?”

Cas seemed startled for a moment until Darry burst out laughing.

“Sniff it, you fucking idiot.” He kept laughing as he walked away. Cas felt an urge of punching him in the face but he knew it was caused by the drug craving. He went back into his room and did what Darry told him and once the cocaine made effect on him he knew he was doomed.

_Oh you, you know you must be blind_

_To do something like this_

_To take the sleep that you don’t know_

_You’re giving death a kiss_

_Poor little fool now_

Even as much as he enjoyed cocaine he couldn’t afford it for too long. Darry was right when he said that it was an expensive shit. When Cas ran out of money their deals changed, it started with other stuff like guns or whatever physical possession Cas could have had and when Darry was no longer interested in that, Cas would pay him with sexual favors, at first fixing some arrangement with some of the girls, later, Cas would be the one doing the blowjob, that until Darry got tired of it and said that if he couldn’t afford it he better get himself something cheaper. That’s when he introduced him to acid. Cas didn’t like the taste of it when he put the little square of paper on the tip of his tongue but the trip was sensational. Figures and colors invaded his mind, he was a little scared at first because he had never felt something quite like that before but soon it grew into him like the rest of the things he had tried in the past months. His days slowly turned into never ending hours of numbness and it started to show into his then very human body. There were days when he wouldn’t even eat because he was too drugged to do so. He was also sick all the time but no one seemed to mind, not even Dean, who was focused on killing Lucifer. If nobody cared about him, he couldn’t find himself to do it either.

_Your mind is full of pleasure_

_Your body’s looking ill_

_To you it’s shallow leisure_

_So drop the acid pill_

_Don’t stop to think now_

Everything became a blur of sex, drugs, alcohol and drunkenness which always led to infernal hangovers where Cas would think he was about to die but after the horrifying experience when he was just a bit sober to think straight for a minute, the need to do all that again crawled into his skin and he would repeat day after day intoxicated by more than one drug stuffing himself with the cheaper booze he could get just to throw it all up the next morning.

_You’re having a good time, baby_

_But that won’t last_

_Your mind’s all full of things_

_You’re living too fast_

He was no longer needed in the battles against Lucifer’s demons, and even if he was, Dean would never tell him, saying Cas was too far gone and that he couldn’t stay sober for more than fifteen minutes. Cas tried to prove he was wrong, he really tried, he left everything back in a drawer of his room and started to put bullets on a gun for the upcoming combat. After a couple of hours tho, he was sweating and itching and oh, did he looked bad. Dean shook his head in disbelief and told him he would only screw up the mission before he left with the rest of the team. Maybe it was the small time of soberness but Cas felt shame for the first time in months. He had let Dean down and he knew he couldn’t fix that. He burst into his room punching a wall before doing the only thing he could do expertly. He vaguely remembers Dean coming into his room that night, finding him in such a bad state that his eyes filled with tears as he approached toward Cas trying to stop him from pushing a needle into a crystalized vein for the millionth time that evening. Cas let himself being manhandled, Dean took the syringe away and hugged him very tightly. Cas stared lost at the wall as Dean held him tight crying painfully. They never talked about it.

_Go out, enjoy yourself_

_Don’t bottle it in_

_You need someone to help you_

_To stick the needle in, yeah_

Dean kicked Darry out of the camp but Cas only got worse. Every healthy pound Cas once have had on him had disappeared, he was so thin and pale and shallow and it scared the shit out of Dean. Even without Darry, Cas was still able to buy drugs, Dean didn’t even bother in asking him how he was getting them, one day he just took all of Cas’ drugs away but didn’t say a word about it, forcing him to go through detox by himself. Of course it didn’t work. Dean spent that whole day out and when he came back he found Cas in a puddle of his own sick, desperate for some heroin, begging Dean to give him it back or to kill him right there and then. Dean tried, he really tried, but he also couldn’t stand Cas’ begs and cries as he squirmed painfully on his bed so Dean gave up on him and on himself as well, giving Cas what he was pleading for.

_Now you know the scene_

_Your skin starts turning green_

_Your eyes no longer see_

_Life’s reality_

Cas was then changing from heroin to methamphetamine, enjoying them both but never combining them. The veins on his arms had started to be useless so he had to be more creative when it came to him injecting himself. He started with the veins on his legs, on his fingers, hell, even on the veins on his toes. He was desperate. He couldn’t stop.

_Push the needle in_

_Face death’s sickly grin_

_Holes are in your skin_

_Caused by deadly pin_

Dean was packing his stuff one cold morning. He was going on a mission in Detroit and was acting very weird. He would do any other mission in auto mode but not that time. He seemed nervous saying it was big. Cas wasn’t coming tho, but even he being in his usual confused state could realize Dean was acting strange.

“You wanted to see me?” Cas asked as he entered Dean’s room.

“Yeah.” He said not looking at him.

Cas walked toward the bed to take a sit but he tripped over his own feet. Dean grabbed him by his wrists before Cas’ face could touch the floor.

“Dude, can you even walk?” Dean frowned irritated and Cas laughed.

“Yeah, sorry.” He said once he was able to breathe again. “What were you going to tell me?”

Dean gave him a sympathetic look controlling himself to not yell at him like he usually did when he watched him in that state.

“Listen, man,” Dean sighed. “Tonight’s a big night.”

“I’ve heard.”

Dean stared at him. Cas looked like a skeleton with skin, he was pale, his arms were covered in holes. Dean couldn’t watch him without a knot setting on his throat.

“I don’t know if I’ll come back but if I don’t I want you to quit all this shit, okay?”

Cas was staring at the floor then, his blue eyes seemed covered with a thin layer of whiteness.

“Are you listening to me?” Dean asked.

“You don’t really believe that if you don’t come back I’ll be able to quit this stuff, do you?” Cas said showing his arms out.

Dean sighed again. “No. But it was worth asking.” He put his bag on his shoulder and walked toward Cas before leaving the room. “Take good care.” He said and got out but he never came back.

_Head starts spinning ‘round_

_You fall down to the ground_

_Feel your body heave_

_Death’s hands starts to weave_

Without Dean there was no one who would keep an eye on Cas to see he would have even a meal per day so his condition just got worse. Lucifer was still alive so Dean’s death had been meaningless. Cas didn’t shed a tear for him tho. The end of the world was still coming so he kept himself sedated just waiting for the inevitable finale.

_It’s too late to turn_

_You don’t wanna learn_

_Price of life you hide_

_Now you’re gonna die_

Croats would invade Chitaqua sooner than later so the few people still living there started to leave but Castiel didn’t. He didn’t even know what do to with his life, he was always dazed and confused and when he was not, he would feel strange. He made of drugs such a vital part of his life that he felt weird when he was not drugged as shit. He saw the last truck leave the camp from the window of his room. He sat on his bed pushing the needle into the skin of his arm for what felt like the millionth time indulging himself a little bit too much. He fell on his bed unconscious dreaming about heaven, about happier days with the Winchesters. He drifted off and he never woke up.


End file.
